Texts From Last Period

(203): Im invoking the “no judgements” clause of our...

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 22:55:23 -0500

(203): Im invoking the “no judgements” clause of our friendship.

Congratulations, Maple Leafs! You’ve doomed us all. (214):...

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 21:48:11 -0500

Congratulations, Maple Leafs! You’ve doomed us all.

(214): i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.

(1-214): oh fuck your right

Photos: Top, Bottom

Happy Valentine’s Day. (303): I have to decide between the...

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 12:01:36 -0600

Happy Valentine’s Day.

(303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.

Photos: Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews.

(480): …So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill...

Fri, 01 Feb 2013 20:30:30 -0600

(480): …So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I’m confused…but I’ll take any compliment I can.

Gif: seabsie

(616): which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the...

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 21:22:17 -0600

(616): which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!

Photo: Hockey Players With Pets

(512): I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of...

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 00:04:49 -0600

(512): I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.

Gif: nellyemily

just fyi, the source for that should be michaeldelzotto, she made the gif first!

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 23:43:00 -0600

Thanks for letting me know! I’ll correct it right away. Apparently Commander Hadfield needs a refresher on “Reblog, Don’t Repost.” :D

(630): He’s blaming gravity for his problems right now, so...

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 23:35:00 -0600

(630): He’s blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective

Source: michaeldelzotto

(612): So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants...

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 08:07:55 -0600

(612): So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout

Gif: cadetsandkings

Sorry about your life, hermano. (520): I showered today....

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 20:43:56 -0600

Sorry about your life, hermano.

(520): I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.

Photo: Jets Nation

(703): I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor...

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 20:30:49 -0600

(703): I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills

(262): how else could I explain the last few years

Photos: Scott Howson, Brian Burke

At last, the file entitled “IN CASE OF CBA DEAL BREAK...

Sun, 06 Jan 2013 12:19:39 -0600

At last, the file entitled “IN CASE OF CBA DEAL BREAK GLASS.jpg” sees the light of day.

Welcome back, NHL.

(847): Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?

(312): You’re the best girlfriend ever.

Photo: The Committed Indian

(973): America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us...

Sat, 05 Jan 2013 18:54:00 -0600

(973): America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am

Photo: nationalpostsports

(916): Sadness tears and throw up everywhere Photo:...

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 06:59:35 -0600

(916): Sadness tears and throw up everywhere

Photo: ryannugenthopkins

(253): Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for...

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 12:01:18 -0600

(253): Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.

.Gif: grzelcyk

Keep telling yourself that, Leafs. (704): he just kept saying...

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 07:32:00 -0600

Keep telling yourself that, Leafs.

(704): he just kept saying “come on iron man, you can do this!” to himself the whole time..

Photo: sr_troll

(586): dear santa what can i do with your candy cane? Photo:...

Sat, 22 Dec 2012 18:38:03 -0600

(586): dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?

Photo: misscrosby87

(404): I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be...

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 19:56:29 -0600

(404): I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?

Photo: Bad-ass Goalie Masks

Lay me down gently under the launchpad at Cape Canaveral, I...

Fri, 14 Dec 2012 23:56:43 -0600

Lay me down gently under the launchpad at Cape Canaveral, I cannot deal with this.

(61): Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed

Photo: Broad Street Hockey

(202): I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him....

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 12:01:10 -0600

(202): I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.

Photo: Xfinity Sports