No, not that kind.
I’m not going to waste your time telling you to stock up on food/batteries/etc, because that’s what cable news is for and if you haven’t done that by now, you’re out of time. But there are a few last-minute things that are good to know:
- Don’t waste time taping your windows. Tape is deeply unhelpful when someone’s lawn chair punches through your picture window. If you’re not willing to do the plywood/2x4 tango, don’t bother.
- Take any empty bottles you have, fill them with water, and put them in your freezer. Do it NOW, while you still have power and water. The ice keeps your food cold, and when it thaws, you’ve got drinking/washing/toilet-flushing water. Milk bottles work great.
- If the water’s rising and there’s anything you really want to keep safe and dry, tape it to the roof of the trunk of your car. I had a musician friend whose $5,000 flute rode out Alison that way just fine.
- Don’t enter water of uncertain depth. The news will tell you this one, but it bears repeating: DO NOT ENTER WATER OF UNCERTAIN DEPTH. A stalled car is no one’s friend.
- If the storm ends, and you still have power and water, and you do not let everyone you know use your washer/dryer/shower, there are many, many words for you, none of them flattering. Bank some karma. Share your utilities.
- If the storm ends, and you do not have power, or water, or possibly a roof: breathe. You have more friends than you could ever imagine. They will help you. FEMA will be a pain in the goddamn ass, but you will figure it out. This is far from the end of the world. Trust me on this.